Autumn Lee - Online Memorial Website

Can you believe Kaydence will be 18 in 1 hour?? I hate it. I hate that time keeps on keeping on like nothing ever happened.. Anytime I let myself feel anything about you it just feels like the first time all over again, it's awful. I wish I could read her mind, she doesn't talk about you, she doesn't seem to listen when I talk to her about you either. i don't know if it's because she doesn't remember you or if it's because it hurts her. 
Ryleigh is a fantastic cook. Mikayla is like an unsolved mystery, she has become my best friend, she thinks I'm cling and annoying though but maybe someday she'll appreciate it. Bailey just turned 21 too. She looks a lot like you, it's almost hard to really look her in the eyes. 
Im tired of hurting. It's such a deep and radiating pain.  
Everything in my life is so unclear except one part. When you know you know, you know? I totally think you would have loved Marquice, he's such a great guy and he sure does love me a lot!! It hurts a lot to sit here and think about how you never will. You won't be there for the big day either. I mean, let's get real, you won't be there ever again because you died. Grief is so strange, mom. I don't think I can smell or hear you anymore, Its like fading away from my brain as I get older. I'll come by the site soon and see you, I miss you every second of every day. I can't wait to be with you again someday. 

I love you❤️

I wish she didn’t. I know it’s the same day as you ... but it’s also a day to celebrate another year of life for her. My little brother is going to be 10 soon, he’s so smart and he looks like me when I was his age except he’s more pale skinned ahahah I need your love mom, I need it so bad. I feel so helpless in life, I never graduated high school and I need help with things but I don’t have anyone to help me. I don’t really like amys kids. I miss our family, this one isn’t even a fraction of what ours was. I don’t know how Trevon or bailey are doing or even where they are, we don’t talk anymore. Which hurts but its ok. Maybe you’d be disappointed in me all the time like dad is but then again you were a lot more compassionate and stuff. I work at tacobell right now and I make 11.50 which is more than MW but Amy keeps telling me to get a real job and she is rude and she says things that just make me so mad. I swear she thinks I’m oh so horrible and I know she doesn’t like Mikayla either. It sucks. But it’s whatever she’s not my mom at all so. If this is gods doing then idk what he was thinking trading you for Amy. She’s nothing like you, and it’s seriously the worst trade deals ever. I just want to be held by you, I need advice. I need your laugh, your contagious smile. I miss your smell even. I wish I was 10 again at home with you saying our prayers and good night.. I’d give anything to go back. I’d give and do anything to have you back. I miss you so much mom it’s killing me. 

Well, here I find myself once again.. I’m nearly 20 now. My life still sucks if I’m being honest. I feel stuck, like nothing is going to get any better, like I’m never going to get anywhere in life. I take a step forward and get pushed back 10 steps.. I’ve been drinking a lot and was partlying a lot too. I crashed my car ( I was sober). . I don’t know. its really just one thing after another I feel like, and it’s never a good thing, it’s always bad. I wish I could talk to you in person.. I’m sure you’d know what to tell me and where to guide me.. I found out recently I probably can’t get pregnant ever which has broken me further. I do, however, have an amazing boyfriend in my life. His names Marquic, dad loves him, I think you would’ve too. He’s really so great, so supportive and kind,
loving and just there for me.  We’ve been living together for almost a year now. My heart aches for you mom... I’ve built a better relationship with Melissa but it isn’t the same. God I misa you so much. I never found my way back to God. I still resent and loathe him for taking you.  This next week is going to be hard for me. Also for Mikayla, lord she hates her birthday now mom

So I am a junior in high school and im still not doing very good. I live on my own and dad wont speak to me. I messed up pretty bad. I wish you were here to help.  Everything would be so different. 
I love you.

Dear mommy.

its June 28,2013.
and I am 14 and a freshman and I'm scared.
I have gave up on everything that I didn't want to out of depression. I can't not get the fact the your gone out of my head. Momma I'm trippen. So many bad things has happened ...... Oh gosh. I wonder what you would think of me now?? Mom since you have left I cut. Out of depression. I had to go to drug and alcohol tests... I've done some really bad stuff that I'm not proud of.. I'm trying to be a good girl. I blame what happened to you on me. I haven't cried or acknowledged that you passed. People thought I didn't care... But that's not true. I just don't wanna believe that your gone. Our family is ripped apart. Just like I knew it would eventually something else would go down hill... Haha I read my post from like a few years. Ago. And mommy I'm happy your my guardian angel... Even though I STOPPED believing. Mom. I don't know what to do. Melissa is killing me. And dad I can't talk to him about everything like j can a mom. And I can't talk to Amy. I like her yeah I love and call herr mom . But YOU ARE MY MOM. NO ONE ELSE, not even my biological mother, just saying you beat her by a long shot
lol okay anyways I don't know where I'm going in growing up. And don't know what to do, which way to go? What I want to do. I mean I LOVE to song. You know that. And I LOVE music.... I am going to the ghettoest schools in Salem, and I'm goin to succeed. And I'm goin to be just like you momma. No doubt in my mind. Haha kaydence and ryleigh ,yes are still annoying and rude lol but I love them. Haha it be boring without them . And guess what?!?!?!?! For freshman year I'm doing choir orchestra softball track&field and MAYBE cross country.. I'm trying to Loose my pale skin and fattness. Haha mommy
your so pretty . You really are the prettiest most amazing person to walk this earth. I love you . I'm going to go to bed. Mommy don't EVER forget how much I love you .also I read the last letter you sent to me and at in 2009 every Monday night.. And it makes me cry... I betchu daddy misses u like crazy.. I wish I could read his mind. Also we got a new dog because Harley ran away.... So we got 2 sibirian huskies. Hurcules and Keena! There cute. Okay well I love you . Mommy, goodnight . What over me in my sleep. LOVE YOU SO MUCH NIGHT!!

love/ SIERRA DESTINEY LEE<3